In my previous blog, I outlined part one of obstacles healthcare workers face in the dating world. The dating world can be fun for some, harder for others, and even both for a few. When I interviewed some healthcare female professionals near me, it was apparent there were several challenges they face. Being single with a busy career (and for some, parenting or caregiving) has not been such an easy road. This entry will continue to highlight why.

6 Obstacles in Dating for Healthcare Workers

Receiving weird messages on dating apps when you mention your occupation. Some workers include their career in their bios or when they speak to someone. After all, their career is part of who they are. But sometimes this can drive some potentials to say things that are not appropriate or that are uncomfortable. Kathy said, “I will very quickly get men that will message and be like, ‘I'm looking for a therapist.’ And I'm like, ‘Well then you're in the wrong place.’”
Talking to someone who, perhaps, may overshare information because of your career. Maybe you’re a nurse or physician and someone talks about their health history to you. Or maybe you are a therapist, like Maura. She recalled, “I feel like even being on dates when people find out I'm a therapist, they tell me things that I'm like, ‘There's absolutely no way you would tell anyone on a first date.’” Even making the effort to not be in that healthcare role while talking or on a date with someone can be difficult. Maura continued, “I try to intentionally disconnect from that role, but that role is so important to who I am as a person. I'm not going to mention it or bring it up because work is such an easy topic. But it definitely gets into a weird territory where sometimes I'm like, ‘Okay, are you looking for a therapist or...?’ Or like, ‘Why do you feel like that's appropriate or okay to tell me?’”
Lack of effort from others on dating apps. Beth mentioned, “I think one of the issues can go either way with a lot of the apps; they are free or have free versions, but then people are less invested. And so, then you're not really getting as much quality.” This makes sense because for instance, when something is free, maybe someone is not as driven to keep up. If it is something someone is financially paying for, he/she may be more invested to get their money’s worth. It becomes more purposeful.
Getting ghosted on dating apps. It seems much easier to be ghosted virtually on the apps versus having to tell someone face-to-face. This may be because it could help the ghost-er to avoid witnessing the reaction of the other person. Beth reported, “With a lot of it being online, people don't give as much respect as they would in person. People still might ghost in person. But if you're talking back and forth online, you're just like, ‘Maybe this is one of my deal breakers.’ ...Instead of saying, ‘That's a deal breaker, wish you the best,’ most people just don't respond or un-match.”
Not finding someone who has your desired level of emotional intelligence. When I interviewed these healthcare women, this was a common theme. This is important for a lot of healthcare workers. In the workplace, having EI allows us to perform well, adjust to changes, receive feedback, and other benefits. We want the same in relationships. If a partner has the EI we desire in the same way we show it ourselves, that relationship can grow healthy. There would be healthy communication, empathy, and awareness. Kathy claimed, “I think that has been like a big struggle; it just feels like the men my age come with a lot of baggage, so do I. But then that paired with the lack of emotional intelligence, it's kind of like, ‘Have you worked through your stuff yet?’”
On the other hand, struggling with others’ vulnerabilities. The healthcare field is no joke, especially when caring for others directly. You easily become a listening ear for clients/patients. As a professional, you learn quickly that there must be a balance between the workplace and your personal life. Sometimes, it is much easier said than done. Maura describes, “I'm saying I want someone who's emotionally available and someone's telling me all of these things that are vulnerable, and I'm pushed away by it. So, I think I get very in my head about that too.”

5 Reminders During Dating Dilemmas

Follow your inner wisdom/intuition. If someone sends you weird or inappropriate messages that make you uncomfortable, do what feels right and safe for you. This may mean ceasing communication. If someone overshares, take a moment, and see if you would want to continue. This may mean deciding whether putting forth the effort while implementing strong boundaries is worthwhile for you.
You are worth the effort. Although it feels discouraging when you notice lack of efforts from others, know that you are worth getting to know. You are worth being courted. And don’t forget – you are priceless, with/without these apps.
Getting ghosted could be a blessing in disguise. It may mean that person was not meant for you. Additionally, it shows that communication may not be that person’s strong point. And that is okay! It is an area they can improve, but that is not your responsibility. Being ghosted could simply mean more space for someone else who will invest their time and energy for you.
It is okay to have standards. For instance, emotional intelligence is an important factor. Honor that standard. Having a partner that can empathize, communicate, understand, etc. is relieving! You deserve that.
It is also okay if you struggle with others’ vulnerabilities. Talk to a mental health professional about this if it hinders your ability to date. A therapist who specializes in relationship anxiety can help you get to the root. Moreover, a therapist can help you process how to balance between work and personal lives and what to do when dating. The clarity you can get is rewarding.

Dating for healthcare workers, whether virtually or physically seeing someone, is not always a walk in the park. As these women have testified, there can be some hardships along the way. But you are worthy of connection and love. It can happen. Stay tuned for more entries relating to dating for healthcare professionals. We still have to get to the hopes and dreams and more!

6 Obstacles in Dating for Healthcare Workers and Gentle Reminders (Part Two)